


All he ever wanted

by Kati67



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Falling In Love, Guilt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:57:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9460151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kati67/pseuds/Kati67
Summary: Sherlock is having nightmares about the night of Mary's death





	

_We'll do it all_  
 _Everything_  
 _On our own_  
  
 _We don't need_  
 _Anything_  
 _Or anyone_  
  
 _If I lay here_  
 _If I just lay here_  
 _Would you lie with me and just forget the world? – Snow Patrol_  
  
Sherlock stood there watching as the bullet was fired and closing in. It was as if it came to him in slow motion. He couldn’t move, just watch. There was nothing else, not the shooter (Norbury) not anyone else for that matter just the bullet and him. Closer and closer it got, he should get out of the way but it was as if he was glued to where he was standing. When the bullet was mere inches away from his chest he heard someone screaming. He tried to look around but could not. Then someone pushed him and he fell to the ground. He looked up and tried to yell but it was too late. The bullet had already plunged into Mary’s chest. He opened his mouth and he was sure there was a sound coming from somewhere if only he knew who made that shrieking sound. He turned his head and saw Mary on the ground bleeding. She didn’t make a sound but there was a sound coming from somewhere, a wailing of sorts, someone in agony. The sound was heart breaking and he wanted to cover his ears so he didn’t have to hear it anymore.  
  
‘Sherlock, Sherlock wake up, you’re having that nightmare again’  
  
Sherlock opened his eyes blinking to all the light suddenly pouring into his room. John, who was in his room now and had switched on the lights, was standing over him with a concerned look on his face.  
  
‘Are you alright?’ John asked.  
  
He didn’t know to be honest; he sat upright in his bed and rubbed his face which was wet? He looked at his hands and back to John.  
  
‘What happened John, I can’t remember, all I know it was rather disturbing’  
  
‘You were screaming in your sleep again Sherlock’ John said. He sat on the edge of the bed. ‘Do you want me to make you some tea?’  
  
‘What time is it?’ Sherlock asked.  
  
‘Three o’clock in the morning’, John supressed a yawn.  
  
‘Did I awake Rosie?’ Sherlock felt ashamed now. He knew he couldn’t help what he was dreaming about but this was getting out of hand.  
  
‘No she sleeps through everything’ John smiled.  
  
‘Good, you’d better get to sleep again John, I’m so sorry for waking you’  
  
‘Are you sure? I can stay if you want me to. You can finally tell me what your nightmare is about’  
Sherlock looked at John; how could he ever tell John what his nightmare was about? He felt guilty enough as it was.  
  
‘I will make myself some tea and you just go back to sleep John, I will be fine’  
  
‘You don’t sound fine to me’  
  
Sherlock stood up and put on his robe. ‘Do you want some tea?’  
  
‘I might as well’ John yawned.  
  
Sherlock walked to the kitchen where he put the kettle on. It really was getting out of hand. Mary was gone for over 6 months now and he was still having that dream. He must have screamed really hard for John to hear him in his room. John’s room was right above his but still. He poured the tea in the cups and walked back to his bedroom where he found John stretched out on the other side of his bed fast asleep. Sherlock smiled. He put the teacups on the nightstand and put the covers over John careful not to wake him then switched the baby monitor on so he could hear Rosie.  
When he sat on his bed drinking his tea while watching a sleeping John he smiled. If only, he thought only to dismiss the thought immediately. John had just become a widower furthermore he had never indicated as much in that direction. Sherlock sometimes had thought there were some looks, and of course he had sometimes hoped for his secret (very secret) feelings to be returned but when he kept them hidden… no it was for the best. He didn’t want to lose John as his friend.  
  
After finishing his tea he tried to go back to sleep again. Hoping the dreams would stay away this time. But as soon as he had fallen asleep the dream returned; the bullet coming slowly at him, closing in and suddenly Mary jumping in front of it. The crying out started all over again, the shrieking in anguish, he heard it from afar and couldn’t seem to stop it.  
He cried out; ‘Mary no!’ and felt the tears roll over his cheeks.  
  
Suddenly he felt someone holding him, hugging him even. He felt a hand stroking his hair, a soft voice whispering everything would be okay that he just had to wake up.  
  
He opened his eyes and found himself in John’s arms much to his surprise. John was caressing his curls, whispering softly that it would be all fine.  
  
‘John, I…’ he started.  
  
‘It’s okay Sherlock, you don’t have to do it all on your own anymore, I’m here’ John said ‘Stop feeling guilty, I have. She did what she felt she needed to do. It’s not on you, it’s not on me, that’s how she was’  
  
Even though Sherlock was awake now John still held him. Sherlock didn’t mind but still it felt kind of awkward as if there was something still standing between them.  
  
John looked at Sherlock as if he’d guessed his thoughts and smiled; ‘Happy now Sherlock?’  
  
‘I am not sure what you mean’ Sherlock said.  
  
‘Oh come on, of course you are. This is all you’ve ever wanted’ John said while squeezing him.  
  
When Sherlock didn’t answer he said; ‘I know Sherlock, I knew all along, but when you came back from the dead I hardly could leave Mary for you could I? I’m not that kind of man. I just asked her to marry me, besides, I loved her too’  
  
‘We all did’ Sherlock whispered.  
  
‘Yes’ John sighed ‘we all did. Mary knew too you know, she knew we’d end up together if she would be gone one day, she told me once’  
  
This took Sherlock by surprise and when he looked up to look at John, John said; ‘Come on, you’re not that hard to read, at least not to us’  
  
John bent over to kiss Sherlock, a soft kiss on his lips. ‘I love you Sherlock Holmes, don’t you ever think otherwise’  
  
‘I love you John Watson’  
  
‘If I sleep here from now on, do you think you won’t have any nightmares again?’  
  
‘I think that will help tremendously yes’  
  
‘Good’ John smiled and started kissing Sherlock again.  
  
Then they heard Rosie. ‘I’ll go’ Sherlock said ‘I’ll bring her here’  
  
‘Sherlock I think I’m going to enjoy this very much’ John said with a grin.  
  
‘What?’ Sherlock asked turning around.  
  
‘Us, you and Rosie, everything but especially what you and I have to look forward to’ he smiled with a naughty smile.  
  
‘John Watson, I’m going to get your six months old daughter so keep those thoughts hidden’ Sherlock said with a smirk, he walked back to John and gave him a long kiss ‘at least until later’  
  
When he walked out of the room to get Rosie he could hear John laughing and it warmed his heart. He finally had all he had ever wanted and more.  
  
© KH


End file.
